Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
