So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize