No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Randomize
