i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
