I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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