Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
God, I missed his penis.
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