I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
smell my finger.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
