im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Randomize
