his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
