The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
