True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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