I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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