Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
