it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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