Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
