Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I checked into jail on foursquare
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
