I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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