Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
