I don't usually arrange sex via text message
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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