Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
