Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
