I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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