He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
