I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
A bitchslap is in order.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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