I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
