Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize