2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
