Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
