is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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