i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
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