Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
