I hate your face
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize