so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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