Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
