every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
