so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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