we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
