just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
