1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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