I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
