I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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