Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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