Whoa Z and x make the same sound
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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