this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize