they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I forgot wine drunk hurts
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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