3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
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