For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
