I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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