dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
