he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
