its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Barsexuality is the new black.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
