Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
