By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
