Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
