I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
no you cant smoke seaweed
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
