There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
