Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
