we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize