Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
