So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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