broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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