He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize