I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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