You're my little dorito
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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